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I'm on the ground at JFK. Well, I'm not actually on the tarmac. I'm still on a plane waiting for a gate. It took about 4 seconds from the time our A340's wheels hit the ground for everyone on the entire plane to start chatting on their mobile phones. Looking around, I can't see a single person over the age of 10 that isn't on his phone right now.

It won't be long till mobile calls are alowed in-flight. "That would help pass the time!," you might say. And while you might be right, you're not imagining what a flight full of mobile chatting would be like.

Allow me to share with you just a few of the insights of the occupier of seat 57A (herein referred to as ' 57A'):

# 57A took, on average, 18,000 steps on each day of her trip abroad. But she took 21,000 steps on the day she went to Bath!

# One ought to pay careful attention to the distinction drawn between a neurologist and a urologist!

# 57A will be getting a new couch this weekend! (She mentioned this on each of her five calls. I suspect she's using this 'couch delivery' as an excuse to stay indoors all weekend watching the Sex and the City DVDs she just got.)

# After being told by the person on the other end of the call, "...glad you got there safely," 57A loudly announced that there were still several ways that the flight could end in disaster!

But I suppose that the mobile phones just make worse a pre-existing problem. I mean, on our descent, 57A's travel companion (donning a Paris, France logo t-shirt) made some kind of comment about the sound of the landing gear's deployment. Clearly, he was a nervous flyer. Believe it or not, she explained to him (for several minutes) why it's important for the landing gear to deploy.

It's good to be home.
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